In a former life, I must have killed a radio

Technology hates me. I used to say I emit an electromagnetic pulse that spontaneously disables appliances, watches, lawnmowers, whatever, and I really wasn't kidding. Something, something, makes my interaction with technology just that much more complex than the average person's experience. I don't know why. Maybe it's karma. Maybe I'm just a technology klutz. Maybe I really do emit an EMP.

Let's put aside the ongoing computer saga that multiple Dell and Microsoft technicians have failed to correct. (Call me crazy, but if a network works, shouldn't I be able to modify shared files on my desktop via my laptop? Call me wacky, but shouldn't a working computer let me add new music to my iTunes library?) Last night our bed was possessed. Again.

What does a bed and technology have to do with each other, you ask? Well, I have a cranky back and our old mattress' springs were so shot that we'd tumble into the center of it at night, resulting in crippling back spasms. So we invested in one of those adjustable Sleep Number air beds with a wireless remote that controls the settings. Not too long ago we noticed that my normally firm side of the bed and Lisa's normally soft side of the bed were ranging from rock hard to marshmallow fluffy, and discovered that the pump was autonomously turning itself off and on. We exchanged the pump and have had a perfectly working bed since, until recently. Last night I was woke to the sound of the pump filling up the bed, then deflating it, then pumping it back up again. Over and over. I groggily fumbled for the pump's power cord and thought I had disconnected it, but within minutes it stared up again. I gave up and resigned myself to the bed's whims.

This is either a complete coincidence or a direct result of the new wireless home network I've set up. Can a wireless router activate a wireless air pump? I don't know. But I've got a sneaking suspicion this isn't just cause and effect. No. My computer and my bed are conspiring together. Our microwave also just recently died, and we're having a new one installed next week. Another coincidence? I think not. Now they have a weapon.