Home Security?

Awhile ago Lisa entered some give-away and was informed last week that we won a free home security system. A specialist would come out and talk to us about the program. Now, I've always felt safe at this house, mainly because it's a nice neighborhood populated largely by retirees, so there is a sort of built-in homewatch. But, I felt safe at our last house too, and it was located next to a meth lab. After the second drive-by shooting, we decided it was time to pull up stakes and get the hell out. But that is a whole other tale.

So, Saturday a very pleasant English expat named Alex shows up at our door at the appointed time. He was the sort of guy I wish I was. Intelligent, humorous, well-traveled, and congenial as all get out. We spent an hour chatting about painting, real estate, his past careers and travels, and our upcoming trip to England. I'm not the most loquacious soul, so I eventually grew weary of the chit-chat and steered the conversation to their system.

As we discussed security, break-ins, and the common burglar, it dawned on me that I had not verified this guy's identity. Out of the blue comes a call about a prize we won in a contest we didn't remember, and next there's this guy in our home telling tales about his former career in commercial real estate. Why is this man, who looks like he is of retirement age, pushing home security systems? I realize I have no way to gracefully validate if this he is who he claims to be, or if he even works for this security firm of which I have never heard. And here we've talked about the weak spots in our house, an upcoming trip out of the country, where I work and what we do, and my paranoia meter spikes to 10.

As it turns out, it's highly unlikely this fellow was an aged Danny Ocean. I asked all the questions I needed to understand the program fully and soon he was out the door. As Lisa and I debriefed afterward and I informed her of my neurotic concerns, I noticed he'd left his cell phone behind (which, I'll admit, I checked to make sure it wasn't on and listening). He was long gone and called later to see if he could come pick it up the next day. Between this event and my delusions of an electronic conspiracy, I'm feeling just a little foolish. But I'll remember to be a little more cautious next time. Just in case.

Oh, and if you're an online prowler, we have a security system. Every door and window has a trip sensor on it, the perimeter of our property is armed with motion sensors, and we have heat-seeking automated machine guns that will open fire in five seconds if you can't provide the proper voice identification and passcode. So don't screw with us and our sole electronic possession, a 13" 1980 Magnavox TV. With three channels. And no remote.